Friday, October 24, 2014

Acquiring the Qualities of Jill Duggar

Jill Duggar is an amazing young woman. When her family was sharing the qualities they loved about her, I was thinking that these are the qualities all of us should strive to attain. Josh said that he doesn't even remember Jill doing anything wrong, "She's like a little angel."  The words that her family used to describe her are loving, delightful, sweet, energetic, bubbly, giver and fun. Michelle added, "Jill has really always had a servant's heart. She is very giving."

As women of God, we all need to be pursuing these character traits. We must put off the clothing of anger, bitterness, and resentment and clothe ourselves with gentleness, goodness, forgiveness, compassion, and serving others. It is good to have role models like Jill! If you have watched her show, you know that she has inherited these traits from her mother. Her mother always seems to be kind and loving. Since she has 19 children, you know she has a servant's heart. Not many women would be willing to give up their "freedom" to have that many children.

Do you know how much easier it is to have godly traits when you are raised by a godly mother? Many young men are married to rebellious wives. Their wives were never modeled gentleness and submission so they have no idea what it looks like or simply refuses to allow anyone else to "control" them. I know. It isn't easy for me but it doesn't mean I want to allow rebellion to rule me. No, I want the Lord to rule me and He commands that I be submissive to my husband.

Jill, undoubtedly, has a very easy time being submissive to her husband. She was modeled it by her mother and she has a gentle, submissive spirit. I don't sense any rebellion in her at all. She was never influenced by feminists thinking. She was homeschooled by her mother and didn't watch television to see the many rebellious women running around who claim being self-sufficient, independent and trying to be like men is a good thing.

Therefore, women, pursue godliness for there is great gain in this pursuit. Become women of the Word and doers of the Word. Love the Lord, your husband, and children. Be willing to have a servant's heart towards them. Jill, at a very young age, is a role model to older women like me!

Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, 
for God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.
I Peter 5:5

Thursday, October 23, 2014

A Sexist Question: How Do You Balance Work and Family?

Jennifer Garner {a famous movie actress} believes this question is sexist. Many people ask her how she balances work and family. No one ever asks her husband this question even though they have the same family and same job. She doesn't think this is fair at all. What do you think?

It is amazing that many years after the feminist movement and the majority of mothers working outside of the home that this question is still asked to women and not men. Why? Because women will always be the one whose primary responsibility is the home, no matter how hard they try to have the same roles as men.

The majority of men will never be able to make a home like a woman does and men will never be able to have babies. Some things are inherited because of our sex, not what society is trying to make "fair." Women will always be the ones where babies are grown in and then nurse at the breast. Men can never take this job. Women will always have more of the nesting instinct than men and men will be the ones more apt to shoulder the responsibility of providing.

I don't care what century you live in or what society you grow up in, women will always be the ones bearing, nursing, and making a home for their babies. It is their God-given instinct. When a child is sick, they are the ones who will instinctively want to be home with them. They can multitask and do many things at one time. They are the ones best suited to be at home and raise children.

I have had friends divorce their husbands because their husbands gave the children cheerios for dinner and put them to bed in their regular clothes! They will usually forget to bathe them too. Most of them just don't have the "home" instinct that women have and when women are asked how they juggle work and family, they will usually admit to feeling guilty since they know that running a home and raising children are primarily their role no matter how feminized our society becomes.

A man buys a house. His wife makes it a home. A man gives his name to his wife. She, if the Lord wills, gives him children with his name. Your worth is above rubies, dear women. NEVER let anyone convince you otherwise. This is the way it has been since time began and NOTHING feminist try to do will ever change this.

Can a woman forget her nursing child 
And have no compassion on the son of her womb? 
Isaiah 49:15

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Do Careers for Women Give Men an Easy Way Out?

With wives getting education and careers, do they really need a husband to provide for them? How has women leaving the home in droves to pursue careers affected marriage? This was enlightening comment on one of my posts recently and I thought I would share it ~

My parents divorced and my mother had her own career and was able to fully support herself.  My husband's parents had many years of a difficult marriage, with a bout of infidelity thrown in for good measure, and as much as my mother-in-law wanted to leave and be done with it, she couldn't leave because she had nowhere to go because she was an at-home mom. As much as my father-in-law wanted to be done, he couldn't because they had four children to raise and where would his wife go?  All the kids are grown now and they've been together 40 years! They simply had to learn to work together and they did. 

In my mom's case, the career meant she wasn't able to be present for my dad. She worked days, he worked nights. She was stressed, he was stressed. My dad got tired of it and wanted out. He knew my mom could take care of herself. If she didn't have the career, would the decision to divorce have weighed on his conscience more? Possibly, yes. If she didn't have the career, would she have put more energy into the family and relationship with with dad? Possibly, yes. My point is that which came first, the chicken or the egg? Did divorce happen because of women working? Or did working women happen because of divorce? I think we're TOLD it's the latter...but I wonder if really it's the former.

I completely believe it is the former. Before women left the home and pursued careers, divorce was much less. In the late 1800's, the divorce was between 3-5% and the article states, "One factor that influenced divorce statistics at this time was the fact that women, outside of marriage, had very few economic opportunities." Before you get all riled up, I am not saying we should go back to the time when women didn't haven't any economic opportunities. In my opinion, if a wife wants to add to her family's income or has some extra time, she should figure out a way to make some money from home where she could still manage the home and family, yet be her own boss and not some other man. She could care for a few extra children, run an etsy shop, cook for others, get into photography, or find something that uses her talents and that she enjoys. With the Internet, there are many ways a woman could find a way to bring in some extra cash. I know many women help their husbands with their business. Just make sure you keep your marriage and family as your top priority!

Pastor Jack Graham wrote this recently ~ "The number one question asked by teenagers of their fathers today isn't, 'Dad, can I have the car key? It's not, 'Can you raise my allowance?' No, the number one question kids ask today is, 'Dad, do you love mom?'" So many of our children today live in fear. They have a constant nightmare that somehow their family is going to break down. And for far, far too many of these precious boys and girls, that nightmare becomes a reality when either dad or mom checks out of the marital relationship."

It's just TOO much to ask women with children to hold down a career, keep a strong marriage by being a help meet to her husband, train her children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord, and keep a clean and tidy home. Be wise in the decisions you make, women. Our decisions have far-reaching consequences for our children and society.

Marriage should be honored by all.
Hebrews 13:4

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Her "Wants" and "Feelings" are Destroying Her Marriage

Ever since I have known her, she has been mad at her husband, even before she married him! I asked her to ponder why she is always mad at him and she responded {notice how many times she says "I want" or "I feel"} ~

"I can't explain why I stay mad at him. I thought about it. I WANT to live in harmony with my husband BUT I want it to be mutual. When I don't feel like he is being a great husband or if he does things that I don't like {like going out whenever he wants while I'm stuck at home with the kids} then it is easier for me to get upset with him because I'm not getting what I want. Many times, I feel like I've been given the short end of the stick and don't enjoy life and feel like I'm missing out on a lot. Many friends my age are out enjoying life freely. I feel way older than I am and feel trapped in a box just surviving while my husband is living the life he wants to live; he leaves when he pleases, he does what he wants and seems to enjoy his life much more than I enjoy mine. I'm mad because I wish we could enjoy life together and enjoy each other but it doesn't seem like I'm a priority to him. I envy other couples who genuinely love each other's company and spend lots of time doing things they enjoy together. He and I don't know how to do that."

First of all, you have been angry with him long before you were married. He never did live up to your expectations. You never have enjoyed him. Nothing changes after you marry. Have you ever thought that maybe he doesn't enjoy being with you because he knows you disapprove of him and he can never live up to your expectations?

No man has ever crawled out from under his wife's criticism to become a better man {Debi Pearl}. I remember asking you if you ever smiled at him. This was before you got married and I was mentoring you. You told me you never did because you were always angry with him. You knew exactly what you were getting when you married him. 

We need to take your finger from pointing at him and point it at you. I KNOW he is not perfect and has faults but it is NOT your responsibility to convict and change him. You have shared your disappointments and hurts with him. He knows but as long as you stay mad at him, you will never win him and have the type of relationship you want.

Both of you come from difficult backgrounds. You both brought in a lot of baggage into the marriage. You weren't raised with any godly role models. However, you are both new creatures in Christ. Your past died and is forgiven through the precious blood of our Savior. Now, begin living the new life that He died to give you. Forgive him for all of his sins and mistakes. Yes, it is easier to hold onto anger and unforgiveness, but you are just giving Satan a foothold into your life and home. God wants you to forgive him as He has forgiven you.

Many women, like you, are not experiencing marriage the way they thought they would. Reality rarely lives up to our expectations. God never promises us happy marriages but He does tell us that godliness with contentment is GREAT gain. Therefore, you need to work on becoming godly. Spend daily time in His Word. Are you doing this? Fill your mind with good things. Stop filling it with garbage from the world. Work on becoming thankful and filled with gratitude for all the good things the Lord has done for you and how He provides for you.

Maybe your friends aren't having that good of a time. Going shopping and to movies and just hanging out gets old too. They may appear to be happy but are they really? We should never compare our lives to others. We are to measure our lives with Jesus. Are we becoming more like Him? This is all that matters; not if life is going the way you planned. 

I bet your husband would be enjoying his life a whole lot more if you loved him just the way that he was. He would take that over his "freedom" any day and besides, then he would probably want to be home with you more if he actually enjoyed being with you. You never enjoy someone who doesn't accept you the way that you are, NEVER. You will never have the marriage you envision if you continue to stay mad and disappointed in him.

He works hard so you can be at home with the children. He is talented and good looking. He is easy to talk to. He has many good qualities. You are beautiful. Your smile lights up the room when you use it! You are also easy to talk to. You are both wonderful people. There is NO reason you can't have a great marriage. The only way you will ever get that, however, is to accept him just the way that he is and shower love upon him.

Stay focused upon his good qualities and throw away his bad. Let the Lord deal with him in his sins and faults. He does a good job at that. Begin thanking the Lord for him and all the things you love about him. Your ministry right now is to your husband, your children and your home. This is a HIGH calling from the Lord. You are raising godly offspring! There is nothing more important than that.

We love both of you and want the best for you. We would love to see you happily married to each other and we know you can accomplish this but you must give up all of your expectations and allow the Lord to build your marriage His way. He commands you love, respect, please, serve and obey your husband. Do marriage on His terms and you WILL reap beautiful fruit!

With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, 
forbearing one another in love.
Ephesians 4:2

***This is what she just sent me, "Your email was good for me to read. It's the truth. Taking it day by day and learning to rely on the Lord and His Word." Made my day!!!