Monday, August 12, 2013

Are Men Pigs For Wanting Sex on Family Vacations?


On a blog post recently, there was a discussion about family vacations and sex. The author of the blog (a female) thought that if a family is going on a vacation together such as camping, one needs to forgo sex since the whole family will be sleeping in the same room or tent. Boy, did this get a lot of interesting discussion in the comment section. I am going to publish some of the comments for you.

"Sex is what recharges my batteries. Sex is what makes me feel alive, loved, cared for, respected...I could go on, but I just got the feeling that what I looked forward to on a vacation did not matter at all to the author of this article.  ...but really half an hour out of 24 and you can't prioritize your husband? It just didn't sit well.

"As far as the whole same room thing and the negative responses, you all need to find a way to be much more creative. Ninety percent of the time there is a way to have sex if it's important enough to you. Yes, it takes thought, planning and a dash of daring but again if you put in the thought and planning, the children will never know. I will just state that I would be absolutely devastated if my wife took this approach (not having little to no sex on family vacations). And I'm going to go kiss her right now and tell her how awesome she is because she doesn't."(Robert)

"Also to the man who said 75 percent of the reason he goes on vacation is for sex, that's really sad.  I go on trips with my family to get away from the everyday, enjoy a new piece of this world, learn something new, enjoy my family and many more reasons.  But sex is not the reason for a family vacation!" (Charyse - This is how most women responded.)

"Let me say, I give my life and lay down my life every day for my wife and children. I spend hours with my children everyday. If I'm not at work providing for my family, I'm with them and I talk with my wife everyday. Why is it so bad of me to want to have sex with my wife in Yellowstone? Or under the wide open Arizona sky where God paints the sky?  I have self control everyday. I don't spend money on me. I don't look at other women. I don't waste time I should spend with my family.  They get my life, my thoughts, my sweat and blood. Why is it wrong of me to want to do the thing I enjoy most on this earth when I,too, am on vacation?" (Robert)

"So all this is to say that whether at home or on vacation, sex should be a regular part of our married lives! Now, I will say that we have sex ALL the time, anywhere. We went on a cruise last year and took our two daughters, three and eight.  Now everyone knows how small those rooms are. However, we used the darkness and made sure they were sleeping to get our sexcapades on. We just had to be more quiet than normal" (TC).

"Bathrooms at a hotel or relative's house, family shower rooms at campgrounds, fun under a blanket in the dark by the camp fire after the little kids are in bed, etc.  If it doesn't work out, fine. But my husband feels loved every time I try or even think of a way to try" (Amber).

"Sex is important to her husband, so Amber tries to find fun and creative ways to make her husband feel loved. Amber understands her husband, and instead of trying to change him or make him 'behave,' she embraces who he is and what he needs and she tries to make him feel loved whenever possible. In short, if more wives approached sex with Amber's attitude, the divorce rate would plummet. God bless Amber" (Mark).

Many of the women commenting thought most men are pigs for having the viewpoints of Robert and Mark. They feel they should be able to go on a family vacation and not think about sex. Most men couldn't think about going on a vacation without having lots of intimacy with their wives. They are synonymous to men and there are ways to be creative and discreet when on family vacations. Most men work their tails off for their families! They are nothing close to being a pig. They are simply men who enjoy sexually intimacy with their wives and there's nothing wrong with that!

Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, 
so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, 
and come together again so that Satan 
will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
I Corinthians 7:5

***Notice this verse doesn't include family vacations as an excuse to withhold sex from your husband!  One of my readers pointed out that in the olden days, most families had to live in one bedroom homes.  The same goes for many poor countries.  Are the husbands never supposed to get sex in these situations?



Comments (80)

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I tend to disagree with you. While I heartily agree that it's a good idea to be creative and find ways to make love on vacation, I do believe a husband can also use self control and enjoy vacation without having sex every day. It is a compromise that needs to be found between each individual couple. I am very uncomfortable having sex in the same room as my kids (especially now that they are older) and do feel like it is inappropriate. It seems weird to me that other people would feel like this is okay.
5 replies · active 326 weeks ago
Leslie, very well said.
I agree with you 95% of the time, but on this one I just don't. My husband is military so our "vacations" consist of us living with family for a month or so every few years when we move to a new base. I find it incredibly disrespectful to have sex in another person's home, and incredibly distasteful to do so while others are in the room--especially children. I just can't comprehend why others (including my husband) think that this is okay or at all an appropriate course of action. I'm just a prude I guess...
1 reply · active 622 weeks ago
I think that vacations are to put some freshness back in your life. It could also impact your marriage life as well, if you are creative. Although discreetness would be my highest concern, and no I would not do it in a tent with my teens nearby, there could possibly be numerous ways to get close.
I tend to think that men are not pigs - they are fearfully and wonderfully made. I know that things are out of balance in this world - we are surrounded by sex and people who live immodestly. I also believe that women who withhold sex from their husband are putting their marriage in danger. Having the attitude that it's icky to do that in somebody else's house - for a married couple to participate in an act that was designed by God to make a man and wife ONE is disrespectful? As a hostess... I don't want to know what my guests are doing in the bedroom but I would feel like one rotten hostess if people couldn't feel at home enough to do what comes naturally for a husband and wife. yes, for an unmarried couple, it would be disrespect. And I think to some degree as Christians, even if we don't participate in the sex that surrounds us, we tend to take the world view of what sex really is and lose the spiritual view. Personally... I wouldn't want to expose my kids to anything inappropriate but also, I think where there's a will there's a way. We once rented a way too small vacation space with another couple. In order to have "mommy and daddy time" we would switch out watching each other's kids. If we were camping... use one of those tents with divided sides. I mean, if you have an attitude of caring for each others needs, it can be done. (Disclaimer: I am no longer married.)
I agree Lori :) Great post, thanks for posting all their comments too. Great insight from them.
My husband is NO pig. He works hard and deserves me whenever he likes:)
-blessings
Hi Lori, I agree! Sex was given by God for all the good reasons we can think of and to be creative or find ways to "get it on" wherever is only going to benefit you as the wife. I have always benefited from making an effort. Great post, great thoughts
God bless
Tracy
So my question is, if I, as the wife feel uncomfortable having,g sex in a tent, with the kids there, or someone's house I should just "get over it" and do only what makes my husband happy every time? Personally, I think each needs to respect the other's feelings and needs, mutually. It shouldn't be his needs only that count. If this is such a BIG thing for the husband to have on vacation, get a hotel room of your own. If you have small children, have friends watch them for an evening or go on a trip with just the two of you for a few days! Most women look at sex differently than men and each needs to respect the other's need for privacy and companionship! Just my thoughts.
Ann
4 replies · active 619 weeks ago
I read that particular blog post sometime last week. I personally agreed with what she was saying. That if you are on vacation with children you may not be having the same sex you'd be having if you were on a vacation without children. I don't see that as being unreasonable. I don't think it would be right to go on vacation with children and forgo sex altogether, there are definitely ways to be creative. At the same time I find it so interesting that there are blog posts after blog posts about being modest, but moaning and groaning in the bed next to children isn't immodest? Is that something a teenager should hear? Obviously you can try to be as quiet as possible, but you may not be as quiet as you think. This also isn't just my opinion, but my husbands as well in case anyone would be curious to know.
1 reply · active 622 weeks ago
Interesting topic. I have to agree with some of the comments above. We are a camping family and I will not have sex if the teens are in the same tent. So my husband and I have fixed this with this solution. Whenever possible we rent two campsites next to each other and the kids sleep in their own tent and hubby and I have a tent to ourselves or with just our really little ones. When going on family vacation in a hotel we try to get a room that has 2 bedrooms. If we can't get a room with 2 bedrooms, there is always the bathroom after the kiddos are asleep.
In a family shower room at a campground? What if some other family came into actually take a shower? Sex in the bathroom at a friend's house? What if your host or your host's child got up to use the bathroom? Where is the respect for others in these scenarios?
Having sex with children in the same room is inappropriate and not okay. It's one thing to be in another room, but with children in the same room at the same time I don't know how you can justify that.
3 replies · active 326 weeks ago
So much rebellion. Not one single commenter gave a biblical reason for refusing sex on vacation. Always "I think ...", "I feel ...", etc.

Well, the Bible says spouses have sex unless they abstain by MUTUAL consent. And even then it is for a limited time for prayer. How much time are you devoting to prayer on vacation? So many individuals not taking the Bible seriously.
2 replies · active 271 weeks ago
Sex on a vacation was always a priority for us! But, privacy is a requirement for any couple. It's the camping thing, all in one tent that I am having trouble wrapping my mind around................hmmm................kids would have to young and deep sleepers. Maybe that's why we never camped.............and why we always had fabulous vacations! (Yes, even though they were frugal.)
Danielle B's avatar

Danielle B · 622 weeks ago

Men aren't pigs who want sex on vaca. Maybe it's their unadventurous prudish wives who have the problem.

I find it a shame that wives would deny their husbands on vacation! Depriving your husbands gives place for the enemy to come in and drop lustful thoughts into your husbands mind. Get creative, use the shower,! Or just the bathroom itself. No one says sex has to last an hour, have a quickie, have your longer sessions at home.
This topic is a very sensitive one for me. From the time I was about 12 years old, I was very aware of my parents having sex while on vacation, and in the same room. I woke up one night and had to use the restroom. I realized what was happening and was terrified. I felt like I was defiled. It was not my choice to be awake. For the next 8 years I dreaded vacations. I often could not sleep because of the terror that I might have to live through that experience again, and unfortunately I was subjected numerous times to my parents having sex. Unfortunately, I even heard how rude and forceful my dad was with my mother. I finally got the courage to say something when my sister who was five years younger than me was crying one morning while on vacation. I knew why she was crying. We talked about it, and I told her that regardless of the reaction, I was going to tell my mother and insist she speak to my father. I was 20 years old and had enough money that if dad did not agree to refrain from sex while we were in the room, that I would be paying for a room for my sister and I. Thankfully, my mom was able to get my dad to agree, though he was crabby about it. From every vacation from then on, my sister and I insisted on separate rooms. How did this affect me--very negatively. I felt defiled, violated, and am very angry that my dad would not control himself and spare his daughters. You may think kids are sleeping, but they can wake up. Before I married my husband, I shared my heart with him, and how I felt defiled. He promised that we would never have sex with kids in the room. Ladies, it is not worth defiling your children to enjoy selfish pleasures while sharing a room. Speak to your husbands, get adjoining rooms, or refrain.
1 reply · active 326 weeks ago
I find it very offensive to be in the next room and being forced to listen to the "noises" of others. I have had that experience several different times through the years, and I was VERY uncomfortable and embarrassed!
1 reply · active 622 weeks ago
nosogoodgirl 's avatar

nosogoodgirl · 622 weeks ago

Men asking for sex on holidays are not pigs, asking while children are in the room, sorry, but that is not just a pig that is sick, he is an adult and should have some self control. We never intentially did it with the kids in the room (once we didn't know she had snuck in the middle of the night.) and stopped the minute we realised. Children should not be present to see anyone having sex. Kid wake up. Would you put a porno on in your sleeping child's room? They are asleep, u could turn the volume on mute, I don't see the difference from that and their parents having sex with them in the room, actually the porno would most probably be less traumatic for them I they where to wake and see
1 reply · active 622 weeks ago
I don't think any wife should ever tell her husband that he's a pig for wanting sex on vacation. My hubby and I are strict when we're on vacation that the things we say to do at home we should do when on vacation. This means that our sex lives won't change just because the kids are in the room. My hubby will want sex sometimes more than one or two times in one night and we are always direct with our two girls and son that it is mommy and daddy's time and we should not stop it just because we're on vacation. Sometimes they wake up I think but what my hubby says goes and it has worked for us so far.
5 replies · active 622 weeks ago
It looks like an exciting topic for the day, so I will add my two sense.

The Bible is clear on many things, and some things it leaves open under an admonition to seek sound reason and wisdom in all we do.

Sex should always be done with discretion and privately. The vacation issue of one room with the kids, or a tent with kids probably means that the couple should hold off until the kids are out of the room, or go someplace private.

Most important I think in these discussions is that each couple must decide how important it is to have sex during vacation, and plan appropriately. Wives who believe in husband leadership should make their thoughts clear on the subject, but be willing to defer to his judgment on the issue.

Lastly, for some who are so opposed to sex when kids are sleeping in the room, much of this depends on the kids ages, and no one is saying they are making noises or not under the covers. Under the covers quiet sex with kids up to 8 years old in the room is probably a non issue, but teenagers in the room it is probably not wise.

Remember, throughout most of history the whole family was in a tent or one or two bedroom homes with thin walls. Sex is not a bad thing, so teach your kids early that it is to be enjoyed in a marriage. No child is being defiled by hearing Mom and Dad having sex, but it can feel like being defiled if the child is not educated to know the difference between marriage sex and sex outside of marriage. For goodness sakes,.. this is how the child was made when Mom and Dad make love... a beautiful thing,

So be reasonable. There is no right on wrong here, but there are certain key ideas that should be followed: Men want and need sex on vacation to make vacation fun, and parents need to find a private time and place to make love.
4 replies · active 622 weeks ago
That euery one of you should know how to possesse his vessell in sanctification and honour: 1 Thessalonians 4:4

Dearely beloued, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrimes, abstaine from fleshly lusts, which warre against the soul. 1 Peter 2:11

Abstinence in marriage is still in The Bible.
3 replies · active 622 weeks ago
I'm a female, and I agree. Not that you should have sex in the same room with older kids, but that you should never deprive your husband. Seriously?! How sad for theses couples. Vacations make me exhausted with kids, but I don't deprive me or my husband either,
I can appreciate what many of the wives are saying here but the fact is that if you husband wants sex you have to give him sex. I don't see anywhere in the bible that says you get out of your wifely duties when you're on vacation or staying in someone else's house. This is hard for the world to take but the Word of God is final on the issue. I've heard lots of couples say that the wife should voice her opinion and leave it to the husband. I don't see that in the bible anywhere either. Wives should not dissuade their men even a little. My wife used to try but now we just have sex if that's what I want. After all why does the new testament tell women to submit and be silent?
9 replies · active 326 weeks ago
What does the bible say about being selfish and not regarding another's feelings? Lets look at what the bible has to say. You clearly not being considerate of your wife's needs but focused on your own at her expense.

Philippians 2:3-4

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Michael,

You are correct in the "Letter of the Law" and a godly wife married to a selfish and inconsiderate man may do best to be silent and give in to all he requests in the hopes that some day he may become a loving man of God.

When a Christian wife is submissive to her husband it is a wonderful thing that God can use to advance His kingdom. But submission is only 40% of the equation for a godly marriage. The other 60% entails love and sacrifice by a loving husband who asks his wife to be His Help Meet by telling Him what she thinks and feels, and he seeks her wisdom. Yes, he can make the final decisions in the marriage, but if he is godly his decisions will follow the pattern of love proscribed for him in God's Word, followed by the fruit of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, meekness, temperance and faith.

There are many passages in the scriptures that should cause every loving husband to want to know his wife's opinion, and to have her dissuade him if she is acting out of love and unselfishly.

I am not sure of you are for real... or a troll ... but as Lori's husband, I appreciate her willingness to obey the Bible and submit to me, and in turn my love for her demands that I honor her and her desires. Honor may mean accepting, or simply acknowledging them in a way she feels cared for and loved.

It is nothing more or less than the love and authority exhibited in the godhead. Jesus submits His will to the Father, and the Father turns around and places all things under His feet. Perfect union and perfect love with all three persons of the godhead pleasing each other perfectly.

Why not target a much higher view of marriage and allow your wife to dissuade you at times, then if you disagree, do it in a gentle and loving way, because that is God's call on our lives.

And I have lots of scripture to defend my position on this and Christ our example is my best defense.
7 replies · active 622 weeks ago

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