Rachel Campos-Duffy writes parenting blogs. She wrote an article answering women about allowing sleepovers and she was shocked how many women commented who said it was at sleepovers that they were molested. Her husband is a DA and she said he deals with this issue a lot as well.*
"My husband is the District Attorney in our county. Needless to say, he is privy to the incidence of child sexual assault in our community. We know all to well that bad things happen, sometimes even in presumably 'good homes.' His access to this kind of information has made us a lot more protective (perhaps even paranoid)."
We rarely allowed our children sleepovers. I will never forget Ruth Graham Bell saying that she wanted all her children under her own roof at night. I agreed with her. With the proliferation of pornography at the click of a mouse along with so many children owning their own smartphones, even in Christian homes, we must be very proactive in protecting our children.
I went to sleepovers when I was young. I remember doing seances, playing with a Ouija board, playing spin the bottle, eating tons of junk food - nothing that was productive or healthy. Thankfully, I was never molested but I could see how it could easily happen if there were older brothers in the home, step-fathers, uncles, etc.
So protect your children, mothers. You are the one responsible for them and you want them to be as safe from harm and evil as possible. Many men can point back to a time when they were young and saw pornography at someone else's home which eventually led to an addiction. Often, this haunts them for the rest of their lives and prevents them from ever having a sexually satisfying marriage. This is why we are warned to "flee youthful lusts "(2 Timothy 2:22).
Teach your children to yell and tell. Make sure they know that NO one should ever touch their privates and then do everything in your power to protect their innocence.
Concerning time alone with your husband, which women have brought up when they found out that their children shouldn't go to sleepovers, make sure your children are in bed by 7:30 or 8:00 every night and the next couple of hours have as your time alone with your husband to cuddle, eat popcorn, give massages, read, watch TV, share, lots of lovemaking, or whatever else you love to do!
Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
*This post was written in 2013 and the article I referred to by Rachel has since been taken down.
So protect your children, mothers. You are the one responsible for them and you want them to be as safe from harm and evil as possible. Many men can point back to a time when they were young and saw pornography at someone else's home which eventually led to an addiction. Often, this haunts them for the rest of their lives and prevents them from ever having a sexually satisfying marriage. This is why we are warned to "flee youthful lusts "(2 Timothy 2:22).
Teach your children to yell and tell. Make sure they know that NO one should ever touch their privates and then do everything in your power to protect their innocence.
Concerning time alone with your husband, which women have brought up when they found out that their children shouldn't go to sleepovers, make sure your children are in bed by 7:30 or 8:00 every night and the next couple of hours have as your time alone with your husband to cuddle, eat popcorn, give massages, read, watch TV, share, lots of lovemaking, or whatever else you love to do!
Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
*This post was written in 2013 and the article I referred to by Rachel has since been taken down.
MBB · 622 weeks ago
Lindsay Harold · 622 weeks ago
Parents do have to be careful these days, even with people from church or their own neighborhood. Even if you trust the parents of the other kids, you need to know who else will be there. There could be visiting relatives or parents of the other children or boyfriends/girlfriends of other kids, etc. Also, some of the very kids in the sleepover may be giving your kids info they don't need to know. I remember being at Christian camp at 12 and having another girl in the same dorm tell me how to look up boy's swimming trunks (which I had no interest in doing and didn't know why she did).
So do your homework and make sure you know exactly who will be there and make sure you trust all of them before you send your kids. And also have a close relationship with your kids so they can call you if anything feels wrong or tell you afterwards if anything happened.
Tiffany · 622 weeks ago
I had sleepovers almost every weekend growing up, and honestly....I had a fantastic time and never got into much trouble. (Although my friends and I probably had inappropriate conversations about sex, which was always wrong information!) My husband grew up with no sleepovers other than once in a while going camping with friends in high school.
As a police officer he has seen so much and had to interview so many sex crime victims, and he always says these things happen in the most innocent of circumstances. It's almost always a person that the parents (and child!) had complete trust in. And most children don't "tell" right away, either so the parents end up sending their children back to the victimizer again. It's a very scary world we live in and I don't think parents can be careful enough when it comes to protecting our children from life changing abuse.
Tiffany · 622 weeks ago
Jamie · 622 weeks ago
Deb · 622 weeks ago
FABBY · 622 weeks ago
Blessings,
FABBY
Mrs. P · 622 weeks ago
Courtney · 622 weeks ago
Lisa · 622 weeks ago
misti · 622 weeks ago
I was never molested by an adult, but several of my friends had older brothers. I was approached by many of them in the hallway or at night where they would try to touch my inappropriately or kiss me. I didn't tell my mom until years later b/c I was afraid of loosing my friend. Those kind of things are very hard to know exactly what to do b/c your brain is very immature. You also hear that it is wrong if a"man" touches you in a certain way.....
Make sure you talk to your children about all ages, female and male, touching inappropriately.
Yes, we have faith in the Lord to protect our children. But he gives us free-will to parent our children how we see fit. So do your job thoughtfully.
Tamara · 622 weeks ago
Nan · 622 weeks ago
We said no to most sleepovers. We did allow them to stay at my parent's house as we knew we could trust them. And we had a couple of close friends that we allowed the kids to stay there once or twice when they were older and it was necessary (we were going somewhere).
But other than that, we just said no. But the times when we said yes, I asked if anyone else was staying over, just to make sure no friends or visiting uncles were coming.
We also had a two year rule, they could play with kids their own age or two years older or two years younger . (Except for one friend who was three years when he had a birthday). No friendships with older teen boys when they were young and no boy babysitters were allowed.
You do what the Lord leads you to do and then trust Him with the rest! That's what we did anyway. Thanks for linking up to "Making Your Home Sing Monday!"
Nan · 622 weeks ago
Rebecca · 622 weeks ago
Marie · 622 weeks ago
I think being cautious is necessary and it's important to trust your gut. If something feels off about a family, trust that instinct. The idea that grandparents and family are more trustworthy just isn't true statistically. It's usually someone you trust your child to be alone with, including pastors/priests and teachers or other similar people in a position of authority that is trusted greatly by the parents because it's believed such people would "never" do that to your child.
Abuse is sick and disturbing. It's all about power and control with the people who do that because the child can't fight back. It's important to distinguish good and bad touch with children and to scream as loud as they can if someone tries to harm them and make it difficult for them so squirm, kick, fight, whatever they have to do, do it. It's just as important that children understand that no matter who it is who harmed them, they don't need to be afraid to tell another adult about it.
Thankfully, kidnapping and crimes against children have actually been dropping. Most men are not going to hurt your child in any way. We can't be afraid of everyone and everything because of coulds and maybes. In a perfect world, which it isn't, children would be protected and never harmed. If I could, I would make it so they were, but I'm only one human. So, it's vital to protect the children we can, but also know that we can't prevent anything bad from ever happening to them no matter how hard we try.
Louise · 622 weeks ago
Wendi · 622 weeks ago
@ATableForFive · 622 weeks ago
sarah issac · 622 weeks ago
D. Jennings · 622 weeks ago
Phyllis Sather · 622 weeks ago
ellahalligan 2p · 622 weeks ago
Shell · 622 weeks ago
Nicki · 621 weeks ago
Found you on Things I Can't Say today. Blessings to you, keep encouraging and inspiring! xoxo Nicki