Making Idols Out of Idols

Written by TheJoyFilledWife

I once had an inspiring conversation with a friend about her journey toward dressing more modestly. She shared how the Lord had convicted her and opened her eyes to the stumbling block her clothing choices were, not only men, but to other women as well. Our eyes are naturally drawn toward particular areas of women’s bodies when they wear certain clothing and she didn’t want to be a temptation to others or distract from being a witness for Christ. 

She also took a look at the current fashion trends and realized that femininity and masculinity are severely under attack in our “gender-neutral” obsessed society. With men dressing more feminine and women dressing and acting more masculine by the day, the lines are becoming visually blurred. Because of this, she wanted to be a living example of godly femininity and modesty in word, deed, and attire. I was encouraged to see my sister in Christ taking her faith so seriously and doing her best to not become a stumbling block to men or a poor example to other women. What impacted me as well was her humble spirit when others would approach her and ask why she was dressing differently than before. She was never condemning, but responded with encouragement and grace. She impacted many women she came across in a positive way.

One day, many years later, she and I ran into each other at a friend’s house and I noticed that she suddenly went back to dressing how she had before. I was very caught off-guard, especially since she had been such a positive example to other women in this area. I gently asked her about her change in attire and she said that she decided to go back to dressing the way she used to because dressing modestly had “become an idol” to her. I was very surprised by her comment, since she had always displayed genuine humility in this area, and we all know that out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks (Luke 6:45). Secondly, I was surprised by the fact that, in striving to remove the “idol” she had in her heart, she ended up trading one sin for a more contagious one, as she now has again become a stumbling block to her brothers in Christ and set a precedent for the women whom she had inspired toward modesty. Sometimes, dear sisters, if we are not careful, we can even make an idol out of removing the idols in our life.

I want to sincerely encourage each of us to not fall for the enemy’s trap in this area, and that the Lord would grant us great wisdom and discernment regarding idolatry. Yes, there may be aspects of our lives that we make an idol, such as modesty, marriage, reading our Bible, and even godliness. The answer to counteracting those idols, however, is not by becoming the opposite --  immodest, divorced, tossing our Bibles out, or becoming worldly -- but to confess to the Lord that we are doing the right thing with the wrong motive, and ask Him to create in us a pure heart and renew a steadfast spirit within us (Psalm 51:10).

I’ve heard it said, and I wholeheartedly believe it’s true, that God’s usual method of growing us is not by delivering us FROM our struggles, but by helping us grow THROUGH them. May we all be encouraged today that although our struggles may feel impossible to overcome at times, they are no match for Almighty God. Indeed, we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13).

"We need to make sure we are not making anything an idol in our life except for our Lord and Savior. I have seen women with dresses down to their ankles, yet had hard and bitter hearts. We obey the Lord because we love Him and want to please Him in all that we do, not to make us look better or more spiritual in the eyes of others." {Lori}

Ye turned to God from idols to serve the living and true God.
1 Thessalonians 1:9

Receiving a Gift From Your Husband

Written by TheJoyFilledWife

The Lord put something on my heart to share with you, in hopes that you may also inspire other women around you.

As Mother's Day is today, I've loved asking other moms what their family has planned for this special day. Some of them don't know what surprises await, but most of them have discussed it with their husbands and children in advance. As they share with me the plans their family has, I am often caught off-guard by the negative responses I hear:

"Oh, they will probably give me something I don't need or that they already gave me a few years ago."

"My husband never seems to pick out anything I like so I always end up returning it. He's learned to just keep the receipt in the bag."

"They always buy me something THEY want me to wear, but not something I would ever pick out in a million years. Sometimes they take me somewhere or spend a lot of money on a gift and all I can think about is how many other things I actually want that I could have bought with that money."

The above examples are, sadly, ones I am hearing often from women everywhere I go. And when I ask the husbands and children on the other side what they have planned for this special day, most of the time they respond in defeat that they always try and give their wife or mom something special to show how much she is valued, but it is never good enough or she just ends up complaining about it or returning it. Many of them say that they wish that she would give them a glowing response and just used it on occasion, even if it's not exactly what they want, as a sign of appreciation for the thoughtfulness behind the gift.

Ladies, on this Mother's Day, I want to urge you to consider the people and the heart behind the gifts you may receive, rather than the worthiness of the gift itself. If you have a chance to give hints to your husband or children of something specific you'd like, that's great! But if the gift you are given, whether it's a physical gift or the gift of quality time together, is not exactly what you would have chosen, I encourage you to soak it up with a genuine smile and gratitude, knowing that the important part of this whole thing is not about WHAT we are given, but WHO God has given us. No gift can ever compare to that. :-)

Much love to you all on Mother's Day,

TheJoyFilledWife

Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men 

should do to you, do ye even so to them.

Matthew 7:12

How Can You Help Someone Whose Home is Filthy?

A woman had a question on thejoyfilledwife’s very popular post Raised in a Filthy Home to Becoming a Neat Freak. “I have a question as the friend of a Christian wife and mom of three {ages 5-10}. The four of us - our husbands, included - are close friends. We adore their family! However, their home is absolutely messy and chaotic, to the point that when we spend time at their house, my husband and I are very uncomfortable. I know they have some awareness of it. Both of our husbands are pastors. I want to encourage her, and be honest with them, but not judge her. What would you recommend I do or say?” Several woman have asked me this question also, so I asked thejoyfilledwife to respond with her thoughts. Here is what she wrote back to me.

These kinds of questions are always so hard because it depends on the relationship and if she's said something, even subtly, before. People rarely mention it when they've already made several comments and then wonder why the other person is defensive. :-)

We have an older couple we are friends with whose house smells so horrible that we don't allow ourselves or our children to visit inside. Instead, we invite them out to lunch at their favorite spot and do our visiting there. The air quality in the home is horrible and they are very aware, for their children won't allow their grandchildren to visit their home {there's also other drama} and they refuse to do anything about it. They sit on their couch all day and their home is incredibly filthy. They don't think it is and are content with it.

These kinds of subjects have to be approached very sensitively because there can be a lot of hidden reasons behind the mess. Sometimes it's laziness or never having been taught how to keep house. Other times, they are oblivious to it or are so busy with other things that it's permanently placed on the back burner. Most of the time, I think people don't really know where to start and they don't realize that the key to making housework easier is to maintain little by little, instead of creating a two week-long project for themselves that makes them feel like they're in over their head and too overwhelmed to even start.

I've never tried articulating this concept before, so hopefully I'm able to be clear, but my husband always tells me that I have mastered the art of "saying something without saying something" when it comes to dealing with big issues in others. In other words, since people are so overly sensitive nowadays, you almost have to find a roundabout way of communicating to them in a way where they almost think it's their idea. This allows them to save face and not feel embarrassed. If they are embarrassed, they will likely clam up and make things worse. You are trying to reach their heart.

Sometimes, I'll make a comment about myself and see if they voluntarily agree with me on it. For instance, I may ask someone what book made the biggest impact upon them this year or the most helpful tip they came across, being genuinely interested. I ask them questions and show an interest. Likely, they will ask me the same question in return, in which I will give them a "sandwich" answer: mentioning a few varied things, with the message I really want to get across being discreetly sandwiched somewhere in the lineup. Maybe it was a book on topic "XYZ" which changed my perspective on something. Then I'll say, but its probably also a tie with a tip I learned from a friend {or book, or web site} that helped me keep my home organized much more easily because, I'll admit, I was really struggling with just where to begin because it became this mental block for me and, honestly, I was a little embarrassed to have ever asked her about it. 

Often, at this point, they will ask about it {because you've been honest about having been in over your head and they feel you will understand their situation and not judge them} and you can answer simply. Then you can ask them a favor and tell them that you are realizing that what you could really use is a friend to hold you accountable and encourage you in this endeavor, knowing how much peace it brings the family. Tell them that you trust them and wonder if they would be willing to let you check in with them on how you're doing. Often this is all it takes for people to open up to me about their situation and ask to participate also, because you've made yourself vulnerable first and the idea for them to participate on their end would be their idea.

If that doesn't work {it usually does} then I will share tips with them enthusiastically as I read about them and make a really big deal. For instance, "Oh my goodness, I just came across the most helpful way to do _____. I wish I would have known about it before because I could have saved myself a lot of time and headaches. You have several young children, so you will probably relate to this too, but have you ever come home to ____ and you think to yourself that there's just no way on earth you have the energy to deal with it right then? Well, this lady made a suggestion that we've been trying out and I can't believe how much easier its been for out family and how relaxing it is to come home to a house free of clutter like that."

You get the idea. You are, in a more straightforward way {for those who don't pick up on subtleties}, acknowledging that they probably are struggling with this same thing since they are in a similar phase of life as you, but you are making it all about what you are changing and what's working for you.

There are a few people that you can be refreshingly straightforward with about a topic of concern, but most women are way too easily offended to see the true love and concern behind a comment. Because of this, I think it beneficial to practice dealing with such topics in a way that comes across smoothly and indirect. It works for me almost 100% of the time and has allowed me to reach people instead of cause them to close off. Just a few ideas!

Wherefore comfort yourselves together, 
and edify one another, even as also ye do.
1 Thessalonians 5:11

Wisdom from The Joy Filled Wife

Women have emasculated men so much that they are no longer even attracted to them. Our family has chosen not to have a television for many years now, but on the occasion that they are with a grandparent and are watching a cartoon with them, there are many seemingly innocent shows we won't let them watch because the mom is always acting like the dad is just another one of her children. It's inferred that men are incompetent. It drives me absolutely nuts and it's in almost everything. Children are "taught" at a very young age to look down at men. 

On the other hand, I do think that, in this culture, women who fear the Lord and have a Biblical view of marriage can be intimidating to most men. A lot of men, even in the church, have grown accustomed to not having much required of them because of the feminist movement and women being so extremely independent. There were many men who were interested in me before I met my husband {I was not into casual dating, however}, but they knew that I held to the Biblical roles for marriage and that was just too much responsibility to them. They wanted a woman who would take the reins so they didn't have to and I was not about to do that. When my husband walked in the door, he literally took the world by storm. He is a leader type through and through and would never have married a woman who tried to fulfill his Biblical role. He just had to wait a while to marry because it was so hard to find a woman who follows the Bible on this. 

The other night, my husband asked me what kind of things I thought about my future husband doing for me when I was single. I told him that I didn't think of my future husband doing anything for me at all. I knew I wanted a strong Christian man who would fulfill his role as the head of our household as stated in the Bible but, honestly, I didn't think about what I wanted done for me but what I could do to help under gird him. 

Every day when I would pray for a husband, I would say, "Lord, please give me a man I can serve." When I said that, my husband laughed out loud and said, "Boy, you better be careful what you pray for, honey! I think you got way more than you bargained for in that area!" 

My husband is a Command Man through and through and, such as kings do, they want to constantly be served. It's an extremely demanding job, but it's God's ways for a wife and I would rather go to bed exhausted at the end of the day in obedience to the Lord than a bitter, independent, rebellious woman who does marriage the world's way. Sadly, the concept of leading a wife has become so stigmatized in the modern church that most Christian men think it's more trouble than its worth. How different our churches and families would look if we did things God's way.

One of the things my husband said attracted him to me was how knowledgeable I was about politics and how unusual it was for him to meet a Christian woman with a Biblical worldview in that arena. The funny thing is that none of my siblings ever had any interest in politics. I didn't at first, but it was a subject that was important to my father and I decided to learn about it at a young age as a way to spend time with him and to show interest in what he was interested in. I eventually became interested over time as well. God knew that an interest in politics would be important to my future husband, even though I had no way of knowing ahead of time. I always encourage wives to learn about and show interest in the things their husband is interested in. It doesn't have to be every single thing he likes, but the things that are higher on his list that he desires to share with you. 

When our kids get to a certain age {young by most standards}, they begin to learn how to prepare some basic meals. Most mothers don't want to take the time to teach their children how to read, clean, cook, converse, etc. because it's time-consuming initially. It takes time, sure, but it saves so much time in the long run and actually prepares them for being successful adults. My girls can easily change the worst of diapers by the time they are four years old and that's a handy skill to learn. One of our young children received Financial Peace Jr. by Dave Ramsey for Christmas instead of toys. We only keep a very small amount of toys in the home and they become very creative with regular household items. They will be absolutely ecstatic when they see it! That particular child is a "Go-To/Creative" child and positively glows with any chance they have to be in charge and responsible for things. We have a lot of strong personalities in our home and I always joke with our oldest that we will never have a shortage of people willing to be in charge of something. In fact, with me being probably the least naturally "in charge" personality in the home, I have the fun and creative job of delegating different responsibilities to different children and letting them lead in that special area after they've been equipped for the task. That is a skill that many women waste in the work force when they could raise up those qualities in their children. 

The qualities it takes to run a home is no meaningless requirement and the reason so many children lack basic self-control, discipline, and life skills is because Mom is usually too busy pouring her energy into people outside of her home.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, 

and eateth not the bread of idleness. 

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; 

her husband also, and he praiseth her.

Proverbs 31:27, 28

Valuable Lessons Learned from Multimillionaires

When it comes to frugality, my parents raised us to learn to wear things out or do without. We grew up having very little funds and sometimes even food was scarce. I {TheJoyFIlledWife} learned to be content with what I had and to wisely save, give, and spend. I have always been thrifty by nature, but sometimes to the extreme. The Lord showed me that I can make frugality an idol, just as much as I can make wealth one. Jesus looks at the intent of our heart.

When it comes to wealth, I have learned some of my most valuable lessons from several multimillionaires we're friends with, who started out living in small quarters with cracks, leaks, roaches, and not even a mattress to sleep on. Having come from humble beginnings and learning how to be frugal and wise as they gained their fortunes, they learned the importance of never using credit and delaying gratification until they had the cash to pay for what they wanted outright. They are, by far, the most giving people I have ever met, and they have been that way from when they were poor. The same people who judge them behind their backs for their wealth are the same people that these wealthy individuals anonymously arranged to have groceries show up on their doorstep week after week, paid for three months worth of their rent in secret, and anonymously paid in full the medical expenses they incurred from an unexpected catastrophe. 

Perhaps one of the most life-changing perspectives I gained from the most successful people I know is their mentality when it comes to purchasing items they need or want. I'll never forget a story one of them told me about a time when they decided to surprise their wife with a brand new sports car that she has always loved since she was a child. The car cost several hundred thousand dollars brand new {which they paid cash for and had WAY more than enough to purchase} and when a friend of theirs asked what kind of a deal he got on it, the husband proceeded to tell the friend that he didn't initiate any negotiations on the car and was happy to pay the full asking price for the car. The friend was dumbfounded by the response and asked why the man would pay full price, especially since he had always been known as a great negotiator. The man explained that, if he would have tried to negotiate a lower price when he had plenty of funds for the asking price, all he would have done was take money away from the commission of the hardworking man who sold him the car. "I have been blessed with much and this man goes to work every day, hoping and praying he will sell enough cars to feed his family and put a roof over his head each month. I would have gained no pleasure in taking money away from his livelihood when I can easily afford to give him the full amount and help him provide for his family." 

Moments later, several people walked by, looked down at the new car sitting there with the sticker price still on the window, looked over at the husband in disgust and commented, "Do you know how many starving children in Africa you could have fed with all the money you wasted on that car?" To which the humble man gently replied, "Do you know how many hard-working Americans are able to keep their jobs and feed their own children because I bought this car?" 

The lessons I learned on both sides have given me a very balanced perspective and helped me to see Jesus' heart in the matter. There are many needy families out there would could benefit from the generosity of people who have more than enough. When finances are tough for families, good deals are a huge blessing! When they have been blessed with more than enough to pay cash for something new, though, they can bless others by helping them keep their jobs and put food on the table for their families.

One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want. Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.

Proverbs 11:24, 25

Should You Divorce Over Emotional Abuse?

Deborah agreed with the Breathe Fire viral post as MANY women did but disagreed with my response. She recently left her marriage because she felt she was being emotionally abused. Should this be a reason to divorce one’s husband? TheJoyFilledWife responded to Deborah. 

I can relate to having experienced emotional abuse in my own marriage at one time and I know that sometimes we feel like we fall short of being able to express exactly what it feels like to face that. I was at that place for a couple of years and although I know that the road is not an easy or pain-free one, God will bless us when we choose His ways and trust that He will be true to the promises of His Word. 

I want to address a couple of concerns and ideas you bring up here with as much sensitivity as I can; knowing what it feels like in some ways to be in both your's and Anna's shoes. Coming out the other side, I can tell you that my husband would probably have fallen deeper into the pit if his wife and only confidant were to have "breathed fire" and attempted to make him cower, instead of won him without a word by my behavior and the undeserved mercy I showed him. Women have plenty of natural "power" and the greatest of all is the one they yield in their marriage. The trouble is that most wives are not content to use their God-given abilities in the way that God intended; which is to serve their husband, to make a godly appeal, to raise godly children, to win their husband through their behavior, or to fulfill him sexually by giving herself to him fully. Instead, they want to force their husbands to hand over the authority that God gave them as the leader so that she can be in control and have things her way. 

There is absolutely a strong belief that women are spiritually superior to men. Read the comment section of any Christian female blog and you will see that clearly. The truth is, Deborah, that while they are plenty of abusive men out there, I have known far more emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and even physically abusive wives than husbands. I see it with my own eyes in the way they demeans him in front of others, withholds herself sexually, shouts, threatens, cuts him down when he discusses Scriptures, and rebels against his authority on almost every subject. We need look no further than the first book of the Bible to see that, from the beginning, women have been using their "powers" to usurp the authority God gave to man and challenge his headship. God created women to be a help meet to their husband's needs and take care of their part so their husbands are free to work toward the purpose God has for them unencumbered. 

I want to lovingly warn you, dear sister, that you are allowing yourself to fall right into the enemy's trap if you have convinced yourself that to "breath fire" means to simply have confidence. The author {who the enemy has quite effectively used in this article} made it very clear that she believes a wife should be able to make her husband "cower". That's just downright wrong. I'll be honest with you, Deborah, I know thousands of truly confident people who command, not DEMAND, authority and they have the respect of all those who know them. People who walk around making people cower are not confident people; they are insecure people who put on a show to hide the pain and inferiority they feel inside. Satan is a prime example of this. Satan was discontent with the role he was given and when he was kicked out of heaven, he found that the only way to hide the fact that he is a defeated foe is to walk around "breathing fire" and trying to convince everyone that he has ultimate power. I don't know about you, but I would much rather raise daughters to walk around "breathing life", rather than death and destruction. 

If a woman is in an abuse situation, she absolutely must seek help, just as I did. If she's in danger, she should remove herself from the home. As far as divorce is concerned, though, I see no Biblical allowance for divorce in such a case. We must seek necessary protection, yes, but a wife who divorces her husband has zero chance of winning him without a word. I am a firm believer that Christ's ways prioritize repentance over rights and mercy over condemnation. Truly, we need look no further than the cross to see where God's priorities lie.

I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live.

Deuteronomy 30:19

Are You Preventing Your Husband's Success?

The following is a guest post by The Joy-Filled Wife and is intended to be an illustration of the reality of what happens in the business world as leaders make selections on who will get top posts in a business, or an opportunity to work with a business. It is not intended to instruct on how to hire an employee, but points out how a wife who may not be supportive of her husband can unknowingly damage his opportunities or advancement. It is life in the real world that although a business is not permitted to discriminate based on a number of legal factors, it may seek the best candidate for a particular role in a business, and some roles may be best suited to those who have a solid family support system. If you are hiring please review this site.

My husband owns a successful company and has up to 150 candidates per month wanting to interview for a chance to work with him. Obviously, that is way too many people to try and see in a month’s time. He has to pair those candidates down to the top ⅓ and then give interview spots to those he feels could potentially add the most value to the team. Because my husband strongly trusts my intuition and knows that I fully grasp his vision for the company’s growth, he often asks me to interview specific candidates in his place to see what I discern. The Lord has been gracious to grant me wisdom in this area and it has saved my husband a lot of frustration and wasted time! It’s important to keep high standards and not bring anyone on who we sense may lower the morale of the team.

As I’m interviewing candidates and asking the Lord for wisdom in selecting the right people to work with, I look beyond what a person is saying and pay closer attention to the fruit in their life. I look at their track record, their long term vision, and, most importantly, their family dynamic. Yes, you read that right. If applicable, we take a candidate’s family and marriage dynamic into consideration. If a candidate makes it to the final stages of our interview process and they are married, we will not consider them further until we have had a chance to sit down with them and their spouse and witness their interaction. We bring up the potential challenges that may arise, the dedication level we are looking for, and how these changes will require adjustments and unwavering support at home. If the candidate is a male, we see if he is the one who “wears the pants” in his marriage or if his wife is allowed to undermine his authority in the home based on her responses to our tough questions. If that is the case {and often it is}, we seriously consider whether or not we want to move forward with him. Why? Because, unless his wife is 100% supportive of his aspirations, she will yield her misplaced authority and almost surely hamper his potential growth with us. Regardless of how capable and ambitious he may be, if he is being cut down and challenged at home, his effectiveness will be reduced and, thus, his performance at work. Even the strongest men become less effective by a nagging, complaining, and hostile wife. I often wonder how many husbands were overlooked for a promotion because their wife was such a bad stain on their “report card”.

My question for all of us wives is, are we unintentionally preventing our husband’s success by the way we behave in our marriage? My husband’s company is not the only one that looks at family and marriage dynamic when considering between several candidates; this is very common practice, especially in large corporations or when considering promoting an employee to a position of greater authority than they currently have. If a man can’t maintain proper order and authority in his home, his employer will question whether he is capable of doing so at work. Don’t think that as long as a wife makes a good impression on the surface that potential employers or business partners will be fooled, either. They check social media outlets, interview people who know the family, witness their interaction in public, and can often see if there are deeper issues just by the husband’s response to challenging scenarios. 

A wife’s disrespect cuts to the very core of a husband and can sabotage him in more ways than you may realize. If, on the other hand, a man is very happily married and has a loving and supportive wife, he is going to stand out in the crowd. Why? A wife is a "crown" to her husband and a visible representation to the world of what kind of a man he is. The question we must ask ourselves as wives is, "Is the crown our husband displays made of brass or is it adorned with precious jewels and gold?"

An excellent wife, who can find? 

For her worth is far above jewels. 

The heart of her husband trusts in her, 

and he will have no lack of gain.

Proverbs 31:10, 11

God's Ability to Transform His Life

Some of you are married to an unbeliever or disobedient husband. Life is difficult for you. You would love to leave him and find happiness with someone else but if you leave him, Jesus leaves him. Then what? He is left to his own destruction.

When you stay with him, Jesus stays with him and lives in his home since Jesus is living inside of you. Do you have a vision of eternity? Do you want that man that you vowed to love all of the days of your life through good times and bad times, through sickness and health, through poverty and wealth to go to heaven? His best chance of living eternally with Jesus is for you to live with him and love him.

Yes, it's hard but Jesus lives inside of you and will give you strength. He will never ask you to do something you are incapable of doing. He wants believing spouses to stay with unbelieving or disobedient spouses so they will be sanctified. You sanctify your husband by living with him.

When you have eternity in view, it makes sense to stay with him. He becomes your mission field and you win him without a word by your godly behavior. Your behavior will speak much louder to him than any words will. He will be drawn to your patience, kindness, love, and grace when he knows he doesn't deserve you. This is a very good thing, women.

I know some women who have given up on their sick, poor or not so good husband and it causes my heart to ache for both of them. This is not God's will. Jesus has left their husband's home and the wives are being disobedient to God. No one wins in this situation. No one, except maybe the enemy of our soul. If God has the ability to create a beautiful sunset like the one above, he has the ability to transform your husband's life.

TheJoyFilledWife wrote this on Where's the Lovemaking Gone? 

The beauty of a life lived in Christ is that, by surrendering your will in exchange for His will for your life, He is able to heal even the most wounded hearts and purify those who have been caught in destruction of sin. Because God has brought such a turn around in my own marriage, I have faith that He can change even the most devastated of marriages. I hope and pray that none of you ladies who are experiencing tragedy or betrayal will choose to give up on your husbands and God's ability to transform their lives. My husband's former addiction impacted our marriage in ways he never realized until after he came out of it, but the restoration and healing that has come about through Christ is the only answer for such a drastic change. God is able to do so much more than we could ever imagine! We must never lose faith.

Pornography steals so much from a marriage and in ways we don't always initially see. With the sin removed from my husband's life, we saw 3,000% increase in our intimate times {prompted by him} as a husband and wife! Before I couldn't convince him to give me a second glance for anything and now I can't keep him away {not that I want to}. We need to pray faithfully and be patient with God's timing of deliverance. It doesn't happen overnight.

God is a God of miracles and, as our husband's help meet, we must never lose hope that God can heal our marriages. He is capable of turning them into something more amazing than we ever could have asked for. Let's be always praying for our men and the purity of their hearts and devotion to the Lord. There are many who are going through or have gone through just what you're facing right now. Know that God will carry you through it and lean on His strength at every turn and through every tear.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted 
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

Leaving the Companion of Her Youth

A couple of weeks ago I {TheJoyFilledWife}was pulling into a shopping center to run a quick errand before heading home for the day. As I stopped at the stop sign at the entrance to the center, I politely gestured to another driver to go on ahead of me. As he pulled forward, the driver began staring at me, smiling, and driving very slowly. I purposely didn’t pay much attention to him as I continued through the parking lot to my destination. By the time I had completed my errand and began pulling out, I hadn't realize that the driver of the other car had parked right next to the stop sign at the only exit of the busy parking lot and was waiting there for me to pull up. As I came up to the stop, I heard a man's voice shout “Hey!” The noise startled me and I quickly turned my head toward the voice, only to discover that it was coming from the man who drove by me earlier. Once we made eye contact, he smirked at me and asked confidently, “Can I have your number?” I politely replied, “I’m married” and looked away, taking my foot off the brake. As I pulled forward, he quickly responded, “Oh that doesn’t matter...”

I wish I could say that this was an isolated incident or that I was utterly shocked because I had never had someone say that to me before. Truthfully, though, I have experienced a similar exchange at least a handful of times throughout my married life. I have even had it happen with some of my children sitting in the shopping cart next to me at the grocery store! As embarrassing as it was for my kids to witness such inappropriate behavior, the Lord allowed me to use that situation to show them the sinful things a heart absent of Christ chases after.

In a society such as ours where affairs are tantalizing, one night stands are touted as harmless, and couples are opting to live and have sex together absent of matrimony, is it any surprise that the covenant of marriage is meaningless to those who do not abide in Christ? On the other side of the coin, I have observed, countless times, the arrogant facial expressions of women who catch married men gazing at their scantily clad bodies, and the extra pleasure they seem to experience when they are successful at enticing him to look while he’s standing beside his wife. It’s as if a woman feels she has proven herself to be so intoxicating that even a man committed to another woman cannot resist her allure.

We need to be aware, as the examples above exemplify, that this issue falls on both sides of the fence. As married women in an increasingly wicked society, we must be on guard at all times to the trappings of the enemy. We must choose daily to keep our minds and our bodies focused on the things above and not allow the enemy to gain a foothold by convincing us that a broken marriage is irreparable and that we deserve to find satisfaction elsewhere. The enemy isn’t smart, but he does have incredible timing and he does this by studying our weaknesses so he can tempt us at the opportune moment. 

My prayer for us wives, as we navigate the waters of this fallen world we live in, is that we would be as wise as serpents and as innocent as doves. That we would choose to meditate on the things of God and wouldn’t allow the devil a foothold through our present circumstances and struggles, whatever they may be. The enemy is lurking behind every corner, in every form and fashion, but praise be to God, we have the ability to stand triumphant against the enemy through the power of Jesus Christ! May we choose to call upon His name each and every day and stand victorious against our foes!

To deliver you from the strange woman,

From the adulteress who flatters with her words;

That leaves the companion of her youth,

And forgets the covenant of her God'

For her house sinks down to death

And her tracks lead to the dead.

Proverbs 2:16-18

Teaching Children to be Kind

As a former teacher, a common question I {TheJoyFilledWife} am often asked by other parents is how early I think children should be enrolled in preschool in order to have an academic and social advantage in the years to come. In almost every instance, parents are dumbfounded when I tell them that attending preschool is not the preparatory step that will launch their children into educational and social success. Most children, whether they attend preschool or not, are on academically similar levels once they enter Kindergarten age. To be honest, the children I’ve seen with the academic and social advantages over the years are the those who spend the most quality time with their parents and family members reading books, using their imaginations, learning to serve, and having meaningful conversations. These experiences build confidence, impart wisdom, and increase a child’s mental and emotional capacity. Emphasize Bible teaching, listen to lots of music, and incorporate plenty of physical play time, and you will almost assuredly see a marked difference in a child’s capacity and performance.

For those of you who are pondering ways to provide your children with meaningful social interactions that will help build confidence and social skills, it should bring you a sigh of relief to know that there doesn’t have to be any formality to your child’s training in order for it to be effective. When I’m out with my children and other adults ask me how my kids are so friendly and able to carry on intelligent conversations with adults, it’s not because they have naturally social personalities or because they’ve taken any courses in conversing. It’s simply the byproduct of intentionally using our day to day errands and interactions to engage with others, ask questions, have meaningful conversations, and make an effort to brighten the day of whomever we come into contact with. Our children know that each of us is a walking example of Christ’s forgiveness and love and we strive to emulate that to each person God puts in our path throughout the day.

My husband and I do not allow our children to act shy, ignore, or be unresponsive to those around them.  Each person we come into contact with is deserving of a pleasant smile, a thoughtful answer, or a sincere compliment. Just like any habit we develop, it doesn’t always come easy at first, but we soon find it enjoyable as we see how even the smallest acts of kindness can make a big difference to a world full of hurting people who long to know that their life truly matters to someone. What an opportunity we have as parents and believers in Christ to help our precious children cultivate a heart for others and come to see the value in each and every person we meet!

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Colossians 3:12
picture source

Challenging His Authority in Front of the Children

His wife disrespects him OFTEN. She'll even correct him after he's done praying if he's forgotten something and she'll do it in front of the children. If he says something she disagrees with, she'll challenge him, even with swearing, with the children present. "We are members of our church and do both love each other very much. But I have a real struggle when I feel disrespected especially in front of our kids. It shuts me down emotionally and the circle starts again. She'll say when you are ready to lead I'll be patiently waiting in a demeaning tone."

TheJoyFilledWife's shared with him what she thought he should do ~

I just spoke with my husband about your situation and wanted to share with you what he told me he would do if he and I were in the same situation you and your wife are. Keep in mind that my husband is speaking from the perspective of being a born again Christian who is married to a born again Christian. You mentioned that you and your wife were baptized and attend church, but I didn't see you mention that you are both believers. If your wife is using blatant profanity toward you and is not remorseful for her lashing out in anger, perhaps what we are seeing here is a lack of fruit. When there is a lack of fruit, it's usually because a person is not plugged into the vine. If your wife is a true believer and has been born again yet has no remorse, she has a stronghold that will take an act of the Holy Spirit to break. That's no small order, but it can be done as we know that all things are possible with Christ. 

With that said, here was what my husband said he would do ~

As a Christian husband running a Christian household, the chain of command set forth in the Scriptures is what our household will abide by. Period. Is there forgiveness and love for the rebellious? Yes, always. But I would be guilty of no lesser sin if I opt not to obey the Word of God regarding my position of authority because of fear {also a sin} of my rebellious wife. As the head of the household, I am accountable before God for any and all sin I allow to go unchecked {including and ESPECIALLY my own}. I am to lead by example. 

The Bible gives the household and marital authority to the husband, regardless of whether he is doing an adequate job in his role. His authority is not dependent upon whether or not his family respects him {although, of course, they should and he should be respectable in his actions}. The authority he has been given does not begin and end with him, it begins and ends with a Holy God who put a Holy order to things so that we would not have a world full of chaos. Since the Lord God decreed and commanded the authority, it is not optional. It is a command. My language may be strong, but Scripture is stronger. God is not wishy-washy or concerned with whether or not His commands are popular. 

If my wife has a suggestion about additional topics that need to be covered in prayer, she can suggest them respectfully beforehand or pull me aside and share them respectfully afterward. When she communicates to me, especially in front of the children, it will need to be in a respectful manner or the communication will be cut short and I will excuse us from earshot of the children and continue the conversation privately. If anger, disrespect, profanity, or any kind of words or behavior unbecoming to a Christian should come from her, I will stop her short and firmly tell her that, in our Christian household, disrespect will not be tolerated and, if she has something she wants me to hear her on, I will lend her a listening ear and give her the floor so long as she communicates in a respectful way that is becoming of a Believer. If she refuses to abide by those Christian principles, her communication will be cut short and she can remain in the room to complete the conversation with herself. If she lashes out at me and chooses to disrespect me and the Lord in front of our children, she will be asked to leave the home for an hour or so to cool off and spend some time in prayer regarding the state of her heart. If she refuses to leave, I will take any age-appropriate children with me to spend time out of the house for a bit so she can get her heart right before we return. 

If she continues this behavior, each time she will find herself alone in the room or the house following each incident. I will not engage her in conversation or put up with her disrespect. Her words will fall on deaf ears and she will not be heard. Once she is ready to approach me with respect and offer a sincere apology and heart change over her sin, she will have a husband who is ready and willing to hear her heart and to take into consideration anything she communicates respectfully. 

I know that it is my job to lead by example and I will continue to work on that daily so that I may love her like Christ. I will continue to tell her each day that I love her and my prayers for her will be faithful. Sometimes leaders have the difficult job of leading difficult people. Regardless of their level of difficulty, however, they have been given authority and a job to do. That job must be done as unto the Lord, whether or not those under that authority agree with the implementation of it. Otherwise, they are guilty of being disobedient to the Scriptures out of fear. If husbands are to lead by example, they must begin by obeying the commands the Lord gave regarding their headship and live it out with fearlessness and courage. God will come to his aid and strengthen him for the battle at hand because of his faithfulness and obedience. He need not fear the enemy.

For the husband is the head of the wife,

even as Christ is the head of the church: 

                                 and he is the saviour of the body.

Ephesians 5:23

She Gave Her Gift Away

The other day I {TheJoyFilledWife} was running an errand with one of my children and as we got back in the car, buckled up, and drove away, I noticed that it was an unusually quiet ride. The particular child I had with me that day is of the talkative variety and is rarely void of words to say. Sensing something wasn’t normal, I pulled up to the stop light and glanced in the back seat. My glance was met with sad eyes and an equally sad spirit.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?”

“I’m just feeling sad and disappointed, Mom.”

“Why? What happened hon?”

“She gave her gift away.”

“Who did? What gift?”

“That girl we were standing in front of in line inside the building…the one wearing clothes that show her stomach, her thighs, her bottom, her back, and her chest. Her body is supposed to be a special gift for only her husband, Mom, but she gave her gift away to everyone. It just made me feel sad inside, so I prayed for her to realize what she is doing.”

The conversation with my child that day impacted me in a huge way and made me look at the topic of modesty through a whole new set of eyes. My sweet child was right that day; our bodies are meant to be the temple of the Holy Spirit and a gift only to be unwrapped by our husband. The female body is so powerful and the message we are sending with what we are wearing {or not wearing} should never be taken lightly. God is a god who forgives and is able to purify us from our past choices.

It is my sincere hope and prayer that we would choose today to sever the ties we have with this world and any lies we may be believing about our bodies and the impact our choices have on those around us. If we were a brand new groom on our wedding night, would we want to “unwrap” the gift of our new bride’s body, knowing that it has been willingly given away and  “devoured” by many more men before us? Or would we hope that we were the only one who has ever and will ever have the privilege of seeing and enjoying this precious gift?

Next time we are about to leave the house, may we choose to take that extra 30 seconds to glance in the mirror and ask ourselves honestly, “Am I giving my gift away?”

Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful 

woman without discretion.

Proverbs 11:22

Women are Still Chewing on the Forbidden Apple

Lindsay wrote a great piece on the Fifty Shades of Grey. TheJoyFilledWife commented on this post. Many times, I get posts just from her comments! She has such a heart for the Lord and for marriage. Here are her comments ~ 

I spent a great deal of time last night in prayer and sorrow for our nation. The fact that the pre-sell tickets for this movie have topped just about any other, shows the great depravity of our nation, as well as the sickly state of Christianity. It is said that the most tickets have been sold in the Bible Belt of the US -- obviously the majority being women -- and I sit here asking myself, "Where are the men of God that should be stepping in and telling Eve that not only may she not allow Satan to deceive her by eating the fruit, but that the 'fruit' is but a disguise for the bondage that accompanies it's consumption?" 

But, alas, the women of our society are reaping what they've sown all these years through their rebellion against the protection and authority of men. At a time when we women need the strength and power of men the most, few of them are anywhere to be found. Since we have, for decades, sent the message to men loud and clear that we are capable of taking care of ourselves in every capacity and have no real need for them, we are left to fight our battles alone, aided only by our immense vulnerability to deception that will ultimately leave us -- the weaker sex -- to be held captive with no knight to come and rescue us from the pit we have willingly thrown ourselves into. 

Oh Jesus, come quickly! Separate the wheat from the chaff and refine your bride so that she may shine like a light on a hill in this dark and dismal world. Sweet Savior, you are our only hope! Oh God, hear the prayers of your saints and be ever near to us, drawing us unto the shelter of your wings. The enemy roams the earth, seeking to devour and destroy, but we rest on knowing the Truth that greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world.

And Adam was not deceived, 

but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.

I Timothy 2:14

***Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson, the parents of the woman who stars in "50 Shades," won't even go see the movie. If you read my post, you will find out the trouble men are having enjoying normal sex, even with their wife because of the detrimental effects of porn, yet women are flocking to this movie hoping to have better sex lives, in reality, it is the vehicle that is destroying their sex lives. 

Is Our Value Measured by How Many 'Likes' We Get?

Thanks to the skyrocketing popularity of social media sites like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, gone are the days of needing to lease the newest model car or fill your garage with expensive gadgets in order to impress your friends and neighbors. In fact, in  this day and age, you’re unlikely to receive more than a wave or “hello” from a neighbor, much less an in-person exchange.

     Although there has been a steady decrease in face-to-face interaction since social media entered the picture, online “friend lists” are growing at an exorbitant rate--and they don’t just include your real-life friends. They encompass casual acquaintances, co-workers, neighbors, friends or friends, and even the kid you sat next to back in  the third grade.

     With all this talk of online “friendships,” one has to wonder how genuine these connections are and if they are really adding to the quality of our relationships. Are the hours we spend every week browsing through “status updates” merely encouraging interactions that have no real-life foundation? And do online apps, such as “Check Me Into Places,” only increase our desire to keep up with the now hundreds--or thousands--of “Joneses” on our friend list?  

     Whether our fitness guru friend boasts of his “Checking In” to 24-Hour Fitness for the sixth time this week, or our neighbor has gone on eight shopping sprees at Nordstroms this month, do these facts really enhance our friendships or are they merely a facade for the deeper longing we have to be seen as someone of worth? Is our value as a person measured by how many “friends” we have, how many comments we receive on our posts, or how many “likes” we get on the pictures we upload?

     True, social media has its benefits and gives us the opportunity to witness to mass amounts of people at once, but is it a healthy substitute for the face-to-face connections we were created for? In all our striving to “one up” our friends who brag in their statuses of their brilliant children, luxurious trips, high-paying career, designer clothes, or perfect marriage, we fail to see each other for who we really are and the struggles we’re facing on the other end of the computer screen. When we engage in the online popularity contests that are so often found in the daily musings of social media sites, we miss why we came here in the first place: to connect.

As I {The Joy Filled Wife} ponder a true example of the word “connect,” Mark 5:35-43 instantly comes to mind. Many Bible-readers are familiar with the story of the 12-year-old girl pronounced dead who was brought back to life with the mere touch of Jesus’ hand and the command to “arise”. This story is touching because of the simplicity of the message and the tenderness of Christ. You see, when Jesus heard the news of the little girl, He could have chosen to “say the word” from where He was standing, and His faith would have healed her from afar. He didn’t do that, though. He chose to connect on an intimate and personal level, showing Himself as a Savior who is interested in knowing and interacting with us face to face.

As believers, we need to remember that we were created in the image of God and since He is a God who longs to connect, He has created us to need connection as well. There’s no substitute for a friendly smile, a warm conversation, and two friends “checking in” in person over a cup of coffee or a morning walk. Making true connections with others does require carving a little bit of time out of our busy day, but I think we will be amazed at the harvest we reap when we sow seeds into other people’s lives.

And He {Jesus} took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, 
Talitha cumi; which is, being interpreted,
 Damsel, I say unto thee, arise.

Mark 5:41

***This post was written by TheJoyFilledWife and the picture is 
Ken, Emma and me on our way down to the park!